What to do during Quarantine time with your children

Hello all,

In this current situation of Covid- 19 pandemic where we with all our children are forced to stay at home,  we at Mindstein Montessori have made a list of activities which can be done with children at home.

 We know that the difficulties our families are facing are real and can be extremely challenging.

This post is the first of many to help you and your children be at your best during this trying time.

It includes many fabulous resources to use at home to help your children

You can look forward to our solution to Montessori without shelves and materials coming next

 A Sample Schedule to Make Your Own:

Before diving into this schedule, there are a few things to note. This is not an expectation, but it is a schedule your child is familiar with. The more familiar the routine, the more the child knows what to expect from their day. In addition, this can allow the adults caring for the children to create a sustainable, workable schedule for their household given this rough outline.

SAMPLE SCHEDULE

Time	Daily Schedule	Important Notes
8 -9 am	Breakfast & Getting Ready for work	●        Pro-Tip: Children under 6 are sensorial learners  Let your child help you in preparing breakfast .Eg. Pouring milk for himself, buttering bread /slicing banana/apple.
9 -10 am	Work Prep with Child	●        Start the morning by getting set up with your child - put out paper for art activities, set up a snack shelf, fill a small pitcher for self-serve water, etc. The child can also help in household chores like sweeping,  dusting, cleaning mirror/ window
10 – 12 am	Morning Self-Chosen Activity Time (Aim for this to be a non- entertainment time: no TV, Tablets, Screens, or AudioBooks)	●        Allow your child to do self-chosen activities. If the activity is new to your home, show them how it's done (not telling them how to do it). Give them a turn and let them use it independently. Eg : Puzzles, Blocks, Worksheets ●        Invest the first few days in establishing routines, expectations of putting things away. Once established, this can become time for the adult to do other things in the space with the child.  (Note: Children under 6 are attracted to Language, so if you start talking to someone else, they are likely going to be very interested in what you are doing. Try to plan your work to avoid your own interruptions by aiming for more intermittent work for this time - i.e. emails, household chores etc - and (if possible) more work calls and meetings for nap or if another caregiver is available for you to step out of the child’s space). ●        Consider physical activity  around 11 : 00 am for gross motor play.  Let the child guide the pace - the destination isn’t important!        https://in.pinterest.com/pin/349873464786285273/
12 - 1 pm	Lunch Prep & Meal	●        Begin with Lunch prep, which can include the child helping set the lunch table. If plates, cups and utensils are in a place they can reach, they can do this independently. ●       Let the child help you make lunch. E.g. She can help by grating cucumber/carrot, preparing buttermilk, making rotis. ●        Eat with the child (if possible)! By modeling sitting and eating, you will most likely see… sitting and eating.
1 - 4 pm	Nap	●        Set a clear and specific routine and time for nap. If your child doesn't nap you can have quiet time where the child plays by himself and reads books.  You can incorporate a singing session.
4 - 5 pm	Snack	●        Upon waking, children are typically used to having a snack.  Snack time with some fun time. No screen time.
5- 6 pm	Art and Craft	Do a fun activity. It can be painting, colouring or some craft work.
6  - 7 pm	Exercise/ Physical movement	Do a fun workout with your children. They are used to outdoor play at this time. Since that is not possible as of now let's try and do some fun physical activity where they can spend their energy. E.g kicking the ball, jumping over a stick or crawling under chairs etc. One can play hopscotch, lemon and spoon race, obstacle race etc.
7 -8 pm	Dinner Time	Begin with dinner prep, which can include the child helping set the table.  Have dinner together as a family
8 - 9 pm	Reading and     readying for  bedtime	Reading books together and talking about the day

Pro Tip: In the event you are giving your children some screen time, make it into a game. Dont let them become literal couch potatoes!! For eg. if they are watching Peppa Pig, each time Peppa snorts they Jump 5 times, or each time George says 'Dinosaur' the touch the floor 5 times. Be creative!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=68&v=ADb9vuAYyaU&feature=emb_title

A glimpse at the activities that can be done at home :

Painting fun

Cleaning mirror/window

Grating Cucumber

Slicing Watermelon

Clothes peg activity

ARTICLE BY:  SIMONE DAVIES

A Montessori approach to letting go and separation anxiety

Letting go and separation anxiety are sometimes harder for the parents than the children.

I have a confession. You can ask my parents. When my son was born, I didn’t want him to cry, I was super protective, I didn’t want to leave him with anyone else, and I thought I was the best person to do everything for him.

Letting go and separating from our children is hard. If they cry when we tell them we are leaving them with our partner, grandparent, caregiver or friend, are they telling us we are meant to stay?

Separating and separation anxiety are part of life with children.

In Montessori, we see the child at each stage of their development working on them becoming independent and separating from us:

• in the first plane of development (0 to 6 years) – biological independence
• in the second plane of development (6 to 12 years) – mental independence
• in the third plane of development (12 to 18 years) – social independence
• in the fourth plane of development (18 to 24 years) – spiritual and moral independence

There is a period of separation anxiety usually expressed between 8 and 16 months where our child is learning object permanence, ie, when something goes away, it comes back. We even practice this with a ball dropping through a hole and, for us, going to the bathroom or putting on the kettle and coming back.

The importance of attachment cannot be underestimated. Without a strong connection and trust established, it is difficult for both us and the child to let go.

To me it’s about giving our child both roots and wings.

With a strong foundation, they know we will be there to support them as much as necessary (roots) and as little as possible (wings).

As it's often the letting go part that is more difficult for us, let's focus on this. From this place of attachment:

1. Letting go means having other people in their lives

When I thought I was the only one who could look after our baby, I spread myself way too thin. Even with a supportive partner, I was the one mostly feeding, bathing, settling, and rocking the baby as well as cooking, washing and all the other things. I was filling up my cup and my worth from my child. If he was sad, I felt like a terrible mother.

I was turning 26 when he was born and 27 when my daughter arrived, and I like to think that we grew up alongside each other. I found the Montessori approach so much more relaxing. Instead of trying to make my children happy, I became their guide. I hope by trying and failing and pivoting and adjusting and trusting myself more, I am a model of a growth mindset for them.

And I learned that it’s actually a very boring world for them if I’m the only one (with their father) who would care for them. Even if we have some different approaches to their grandparents or others, there is much they can learn from them. Likewise, as they grew up, we found a Montessori pre-school we loved where we trusted they would learn so much; a Montessori primary school that would allow them to learn far more than I was capable of teaching them; sport clubs where they learned skills I certainly don’t have to teach; friends’ homes where they have eaten many meals as if they were a member of their family, learning to trust in others as much as their own family; and then onto high school and cycling around Amsterdam able to explore their social independence.

Letting go means selecting people we trust to care for our children. They learn to have trust in others, and themselves.

2. Letting go is letting them climb a little higher

By letting them take some risks for themselves to climb higher they start to listen to their own bodies and make judgments themselves of how capable they are.

We stand ready if they need us, but allow them to explore their limits.

We are not putting them into positions like walking before they are ready, nor are we limiting them by over-protecting them.

3. Letting go is supervising, not abandoning

Sometimes Montessori is mistaken for giving children free reign of the house without supervision. We do give them a lot of independence, choice when possible, and access to the things they need.

But, to be honest, expect it to be a full time job to keep supervising them. With so much access to the house, with such capable children who have learned how to use glasses, scissors and the like, they require us to be available to guide them. When my children were young, I had a bath in the evening when they were asleep rather than thinking I could leave them for 15 minutes to have a shower.

They are independent. But they are not grown up.

4. Letting go is always age appropriate

We can help our children to scaffold skills so that over time they become more independent. As a toddler, we can help them with dressing, allowing them to take over more and more steps. Allow them to venture further away from us in the park.

In Amsterdam, when they start high school at 12 years old, they will cycle by themselves to school. So we build up slowly, first riding in a park, then side by side on the streets, then behind them, and then maybe 5 minutes behind them in their last year of primary school to practise for the following year.

Now that my son is living out of home at university, I’m happy he learned the skills over time to look after himself – his finances, taking turns cooking (and washing up) with his flatmates, and doing his own washing.

Letting go means building skills in our child.

5. Letting go means being able to say ‘goodbye’ confidently

Children pick up a lot from us as parents. If we feel comfortable in a situation, then they will learn to trust our judgement.

We can say, “I’ll see you at singing time. Have fun!” rather than a long farewell. We give them confidence in the people they are being left with. They may cry to say “you are leaving.” But they will learn that others care for them too. And that their parents always come back.

If we fearfully sneak to the toilet or out of the house without telling them, they may also be scared as they search for us and cannot find us.

Letting go means communicating with our child what is going to happen.

6. Letting go means constantly discovering who our child is, not who we think they should be

Montessori teachers love observing children in a scientific way to discover every day with fresh eyes who this child is.

As a parent, we can get so involved with our child, or with our agenda for our child, or thinking we know our child so well, that we overlook who our child is. Parenthood is truly the highest honour. Your children choose you to guide them and support them to become the most beautiful unique butterfly they are meant to be, not what we make them.

Letting go means seeing them for who they are, right now, in every moment. Not controlling it. Letting them be on their own journey as their guide.

7. Letting go means letting them make mistakes and learning from them

It could be as small as letting the ball fall from the table and allowing them time to pick it up themselves; to falling off a climbing frame; to a school-aged child who forgets their lunch and – rather than rescuing them – letting them work something out at school, sharing some of their friend’s lunch perhaps.

It’s hard to see our child suffer.

But as Montessori parents we want them to learn to be self-reliant, to work out how to solve problems, and to take responsibility if they do something wrong. To get it wrong, and learn from their mistakes.

Letting go means not trying to fix things for them, but providing some guidance and support in hard moments.

8. Letting go is not looking to our child to fill up our cup

If we lose ourselves in parenthood, once we really need to let go and let our child grow into their next stage of development (to preschool, school, high school or out of home), we may find that we are left with nothing.

I truly believe that we are better parents when we fill our own cup – not from our child, or our partner, or our work, or approval from others. We are full cups, happy in our own right, ready to support and be the guide our child is looking for.

Letting go is standing on our own two feet, so that our child can have wings.

Why are we still putting our kids into time out?

Artcile by Simone Davies -  simone@themontessorinotebook.com

In my parent workshops, I ask parents if they remember a time when they were punished as a kid, maybe given a detention or not allowed to go out with friends. Then I ask if this made them feel more or less connected to the person who gave them the punishment.

When you are having a difficult moment, would you rather someone offer kindness or punish you?

Most people say that they resented the person who gave them the punishment and it didn’t make them want to do right by them.

Effectively this is what we are doing with our kids every time we put them in time out.

When kids act out it is likely a time they need more connection from us (= more love), rather than less connection.

But what will I do instead?

So let’s look at alternatives to time out which we use in a Montessori approach.

If a child is throwing things on the floor, saying something unkind, hitting us or similar, we can be clear that it’s not ok to hit or throw. For example, “I’m not going to let you keep hitting me. It’s important for me to feel safe.”

Then instead of putting the child into time out “to think about it” it can be more effective to:

1. help them calm down
2. once they are calm, help them make amends

This is restorative justice (“how can I make this right?”) rather than punitive justice (taking something away, often our love).

People worry that helping them calm down is giving attention to the bad behaviour.

It’s not to condone their behaviour as ok. It’s showing them how to calm themselves down. Especially as we then help them to make amends once they are calm – so don’t skip this second step – so that they also learn responsibility for their actions.

1. Help them calm down

Helping our child calm down could look like:

• getting down to their level and telling them we are here if they need help
• offering them a hug and holding them as they go through all the emotions
• keeping them safe if they do not want a hug (and offering them a hug/help from time to time)
• offering some paper and pencils for them to show us how they feel
• offering a cushion for them to bang
• for a child over 3 years old, we could have a cosy place they like to go when they want to calm down (different to time out as the child goes there willingly and comes out when they are ready, not after a specified time). If they don’t want to go there to calm down, we could go there ourselves to keep ourselves calm instead or offer to go with them.

2. Once they are calm, help them make amends

Helping a child to make amends does not meaning forcing them to apologize. Often this will lead to an insincere apology.

Instead, we wait until they are completely calm and then help them to make amends. This may be:

• checking the other child is ok if they are hurt
• offering another child a cold cloth or tissue or plaster
• modelling an apology, “I’m sorry my child hurt you. Are you ok?”
• putting things back that have been thrown
• cleaning the walls or table if they have been damaged
• etc.

No quick fix

I’m not going to mislead you. This is a long term approach to raising children. It’s not a quick fix.

We are showing our children that we love them, even when they are at their worst.

And it’s probably when they need it the most.

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